Why People Why? 01/05/2012

When you discuss a topic with someone, whether it be sport, politics, outer space, why are the most enthusiastic people the ones that have literally no idea what they are talking about?

This happened to me only two days ago. As previously stated I went to the rugby on Sunday. As it was a big game, there was a crowd of 30,000 there. Obviously a lot of these people there are very knowledgeable about the game, but then there are the people that think they are knowledgeable. My god these are annoying.

I was in a watering hole after the game, wetting my whistle talking to a couple of the boys about rugby in general, as men do. One of the guys that was with us gets in on the conversation. No problems with that, the more the merrier. That is until he opens his mouth, the shit that he spouted was disgusting. I’m all for you going to rugby and enjoying it, but please god don’t talk about it ever again to me, you clearly have less than no clue. Fortunately for me the other person I was with also noticed the drivel being spouted and we both pulled him up on it. He was convinced he was right though but alas, thankfully he decided to retreat somewhere else after that to abuse someone else’s eardrums.

What is so hard about just saying to someone ‘I don’t know’ or listening to someone that might actually know what on earth they are talking about and not interfering with them. The age old adage of some people argue black is white is very apt. I wouldn’t dream arguing with a  petrol head about cars. What I know about cars can be written on the back of a match box, so I don’t do it.  

I think people that talk bollocks should be banned from talking about that subject until the other participants involved in that conversation allow them to. That is a very light sentence if you ask me. My other option was for them to be punched in the face and thrown through a window but I vetoed that (just kidding). So if you hear someone talking crap about a subject you know about or are the unfortunate recipitant of the drivel then I suggest you calmly just get up, without saying a word and walk off. That is the thought for today, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters

What a Weekend

I would just like to tell you all about the bloody good weekend I had this weekend. Yep that’s right, try and say that in a posh English accent ‘Bloody good weekend old bean.’

It all started on Friday night. I went with my girlfriend to a local pub to have some dinner. I was there early so watched the first half of the super 15 game from New Zealand and had a very nice beer. We then had dinner. Now most pub dinners you would expect are ok versions of burgers, fish and chips, lasagne or something. Not this one. I helped myself to the ‘Big Man’ beef ribs and couldn’t have been that much more impressed and at a mere $20 very worth it. After dinner we went home for a nice quiet night with a few episodes of mad men.

Saturday. I woke up at a very leisurely 10am, eventually getting out of bed at about 1030 (always good to have a lie in on the weekends). Then had some breakfast and made my bag ready for rugby. After watching some tv it was time to leave for rugby. I dropped my girlfriend off, picked up a mate and off we went to ruggers. There I encountered the only bad bit of the weekend and that was the Sydney traffic. I will speak more of this in future.

The day was glorious. Blue skies, warm, a very slight breeze keeping it comfortable, perfect rugby conditions. We played, we won, I scored, all in all a good day on the rugger bugger field.

I jumped straight in the car after the game and shot off home. On the way encountered a bit more of that wank Sydney traffic (I can’t wait to get into this). Got in, raced into the shower, showered, changed and headed out the door on route for ANZ Stadium to watch the rugby league.

We managed to get the earlier train than we were expecting to get to the ground, score. This allowed me to realise how damn hungry I was but with all this extra time, I had time to go and get myself the best Subway I have ever eaten! My lord it filled a hole and tied me over.

A pretty good game of rugby league was then witnessed and we managed to escape, at the final whistle and get to the station before the hordes of people left the ground. The adventure was not over yet. After getting home again, there was a 3^rd outfit change into some glad rags for the night out. Whilst waiting to go out, I was able to see the one goal that the might Crystal Palace scored in our defeat to Cardiff and then off we went.

As the two of us were playing catch up to people that had been out for about 4 hours or more, we decided to pub crawl to meet them. Pubs were discovered along the way that would never have been explored had it not been for the mini crawl. A new shot was also discovered, delivered in a rather cool looking glass, all in all, another resounding success.

The rest of the night was just one of the cracking nights. Karaoke was sung, shots were seen off, sprits were devoured, pubs and clubs were conquered and the two intrepid travellers were dropped off at home at about 6ish.

Sunday. My phone woke me up. Ringing as it was at the horrendously early hour of 1130!!1 What bastard would do that to someone on a Sunday. This wasn’t a phone call that I would want to ignore. Free tickets to the Rugby Union on offer. Boom, I’ll have me some of that. After being despatched to go and get some hangover cure, crap fast food and wolfing it down so it barely touched my taste buds, I was being whisked away again.

This time the destination was the SFS for the Waratahs and the Crusaders. It’s always good to see international players, but watching ones that are widely regarded as the best in the world is extra nice. A great game of rugby followed ending in a score line of 37-33, 70 points 7 tries and 3 beers, a mighty fine afternoons work. It wasn’t finished there,

The boys and myself headed to the pub for one last beer before home time, that sunk, off home we go. Thai food is delivered 3 minutes after I walk in the door, the service so far, exceptional. Only one job left to do. The dreaded weekly shop. The girlfriend and I set off. It is always a shit fight doing this crappy shopping, but this time it is very different. Maybe the fact it was 830 on Sunday evening had something to do with it, but we flew round, getting everything we need and I was even able to be extra stupid and still make good time.

The shopping put away, the weekend drawing to a close, there was only one way to end such a bloody good weekend. Yep that is right ‘Homes Under the Hammer.’ Now that this has happened I fear that Karma will be rearing its ugly head and I am due a shit one, but I will try to avoid that as long as possible. That is the thought for today, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters

Why people why? 27/04/2012

This is a note to people, if you press the lift button or the button to cross the road multiple times, it does not make the lift come faster nor the man turn green any sooner.

I have just witnessed both in their extreme. I was the first to reach the crossing at my lunch (yes I know, well done me). When I got there the traffic was rushing past. Not wanting to risk my life Bowfinger style, instead of weaving through the traffic, I pressed the button and waited for the light to turn. As I was waiting someone else came along. They looked at the button then pressed it a god 4 times. Obviously I was far to untrustworthy looking to have pressed it so they had to make damn sure they did to make up for my lapse.

It didn’t end there (this is a busy crossing). Another 10 or so people came along and all did the same thing! Why oh why would they do that? Do they not see the 15 or so other people standing there. Obviously the latest people to come along to that crossing are the only smart people amongst us. We would not have the brain capacity or the thought process to press the button and therefore are just standing there like lemons waiting for a miracle or a break in the traffic so we can make a run for it.

After successfully negotiating the road thanks to those geniuses at the lights pressing the button for me, I got into my building. Before people say I am lazy and that I should take the stairs up, I honestly do not have a clue where the stairs are and I am on the 23^rd floor so sod that! I just missed a lift so again was the only one there. Being a quick learner I pressed the ‘call lift’ button. A beautiful red light bordered the button, it had clearly been pressed. That’s what made what happened next so bewildering.

A very well dressed lady with rather red cheeks came along, made a bee line for the lift buttons. I was thinking she must need to go down as I have clearly pressed the button. Oh no. She vigorously tapped away at the ‘up’ button. Surely the lift must come instantaneously if I jab the button so hard and fast that I get a nice arrow print on the tip!!! Another 3 people joined us. 2 of them realised that pressing the button was unnecessary, it was clearly red and the lift was hopefully on its way. The third one though thought he would press it for good measure. Seriously mate, it is on its way!

That is the thought for today, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters

It's closer to the sun here

Oh my goodness he isn’t, yes he is folks. I am going into unchartered territory, this has never been heard of or tried before by any man. I am going to blog about the weather FOR A SECOND TIME! I can already hear the gasps and the ooooh’s and aaaaah’s from the intrigued readers. This is going to be about my experience and show one of the reasons why so many people come to Australia from Britain.

Yesterday I stood and watched the ANZAC day parade. It was a great parade, I thoroughly enjoyed it. What I didn’t enjoy was the brisk wind whistling down the wind tunnel streets of Sydney’s CBD. Thank god I decided to change into jeans from shorts (on girlfriends advice), or I would have been in severe trouble.

As we stood on the side of the road in the shade, enviously watching the people on the other side of the basking in the sunshine I thought ‘this is coming to winter in Sydney and I am stood in just a t-shirt, jeans and flip flops. The sky was brilliant blue, not a cloud to be seen. Had this been a mid-December day in England with not a cloud in the sky and the sun beaming down, I would still have to thaw the icicles hanging off of my nipples, under the 10 layers of clothing I had on.

In the sun over here it is just toasty warm. In the summer it is too warm (as discussed in an earlier, intriguing blog). When you see the weather forecast and see that it is a balmy 25 degrees in winter, and you can get away with wearing summer clothes, it just makes you smile.

Yes there are days in Britain when it is hot. I have been privy to a couple of these rare events, but never do you get a day other than in spring and summer where you can wear summer attire. It is just bloody brilliant stepping out knowing that you should be clothed up to the max, but only having a painted on vest and a pair of shorts and heading to lark about in the sea.

The only downside to this is that when it gets cold, deary me, your body is not ready for it. It comes as a huge shock to the system, one that is most unwelcome and very very felt. The houses are not made here to keep the heat in, they are made to help keep it cool inside, and that is a problem. You end up sprinting faster than Usain Bolt from the shower to bed in the evenings. There is a blur of something pinky as you run past your housemate and dive under the duvet, teeth chattering and making that urrrrr noise as you try and warm up. All in all though, give me the shorts in the winter option. That is the thought for today, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters

P.S. http://presentersearch.vmusic.com.au/view-entries.aspx?Search=Rob+Seltzer make sure you go to the link and vote for me

That's my lucky number!

Friday night was a good night for me. I ventured to the casino, the scene, for many, of a lot of money being lost. I on the other hand came out with a nice $150 profit. My game of choice, roulette.

Everyone has lucky numbers. Everyone has their numbers that if they play roulette or something similar, they will put money on, I have mine. What I don’t agree with is when someone looks at the table, at the numbers that have been coming up on the table before you get there and decide ‘this isn’t a good table.’ How is it any different to the others? Yes I know each croupier spins the ball round a bit harder or softer than the next, but that doesn’t mean that your numbers are less likely to come up. It is purely luck, nothing else.

This goes for card games and game shows as well. For example ‘Deal or No Deal.’ People stay away from picking their lucky numbers. By doing that you are not increasing your chances of winning. I hate to be the one that is the bearer of bad news, you still have the exact 1 in 40 (or whatever it is) chance to win $250,000 or 1c (please get the 1c).

Poker is slightly different. There is definitely some skill involved in playing poker. The ability to read people and to hide your own emotions, is a hell of a quality to have. When it comes down to it though, if someone has a better hand than you, they are going to beat you. Potentially you can lose all your money to them. There is nothing you can do to beat that person if they have a hand that is better than yours and are not going to fold. Again, luck of the cards.

How comes, if you believe in this lucky number bollocks, don’t all people just bet on the horse that is wearing their number (if it is in the race)? You don’t see someone saying ‘my lucky number is 8 so I am going to bet on number 8, oh look his odds are 800000-1, must be in with a shout then.’ No, they bet on who they think is going to win that race, which horse is in form, the ground and all that jazz (far too detailed and I have no idea what is going on).

Yes you have lucky numbers. Yes it is fun to go to the casino, but please god don’t take it so seriously. Sit at a table where there is space, get your chips and happily play away and be lucky. If your numbers are failing you then I suggest ripping out all of your money from your account and putting it on red. My pleasure. That is the thought for today, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters

Equality my arse

I am going to open a right can of worms here but I don’t care, as that is how I roll. Whilst watching the news earlier the sports report came on, after all the good sports were mentioned, tennis came up. They said who had won through to the next round of the tournament that was being played and who they would be playing etc.

I am now going to wade into the debate about prize money (collective gasp). Yes I know I am that crazy I am going to do it. I honestly do not believe that women should get the same amount of prize money when it comes to the Grand Slams. In the minor events, yes, everyone should be equal but not in the slams.

Now before you all get on your high horse about this, I will say that I am all for equality, women should be treated as equals and all that baloney that I really can’t be arsed getting into now. When it comes to the tennis Grand Slams though I feel this is unfair. I know this argument raged on for years and the sums of money are huge and there was a huge difference but the men do a lot more work. They play best of 5 sets, women best of 3.

There was a match at this year’s Australian open between John Isner and someone else that went the full 5 sets and ended up something ridiculous in the 5^th like 28-26 or around that. Obviously this match went on a fair bit (about 7 hours I believe) and the schedule for that court was thrown out of the window. The woman’s match that was due on after that game was moved to another court and was over within the time it took to play half of the 5^th set. How much extra work and effort did those two players have to put in to their game, yes I know that was extraordinary but had they only been best of 3 you could have cut out 2 hours of that playing time.

The only way that a winner of the men’s and women’s Grand Slams plays the same amount of sets is if the man wins every match in straight sets and the woman drops a set I each of her matches. Everyone knows that isn’t going to happen. The men are going to have to do a hell of a lot more work than their female counterparts.

There is a huge gap in the women’s game. There are only a handful of players that are actually half decent with a chance to win something. These players tend to breeze through the early rounds, the commentators get excited if they see them sweating it is that easy. The men have it tougher. There are a lot of players that can beat each other and the little tennis I watch is always the men as it is more of a match.

I fully respect that the women put in as much if not more work on their training. They are full time, professional athlete’s that dedicate their lives to their sport. I am insanely jealous of that as well, but if they do as much work off the court as the men why should they not be expected to do as much on it to receive equal prize money? I bet if the situation was reversed we wouldn’t see many people up in arms about the men not getting as much money. Yes to equality no to absolute bollocks in my view. That is the thought for today, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters

Work Blues?

Not everyone can be in their dream job. In fact I am willing to bet that 95% of people are not in their dream jobs. If you are one of the 5% then well done you.

Obviously sports people, actors, musicians and drs are in the jobs that they always wanted to be in. they have trained/studied for god knows how long to get where they are and for that they have to be commended. I wish I was lucky enough to be one of those people.

There are very few people around that know exactly what they want to do. When I was a kid I wanted to be a professional sports star. That is the standard for the vast majority of 6 year old boys. This clearly has not happened (I am obviously a victim of falling through the net), and I currently reside doing a disgracefully boring job in admin.

Most days I trawl the internet looking for things to read. There are not enough websites out there for me. As my office is open plan as well and I sit next to the insanely busy accounts payable team, I feel quite bad. Everybody that comes into the office can see my screen, and whilst there is a lot of swearing and talking to their computer screens going on behind me, I sit blissfully looking at my email’s or other people’s photos that they put up on facebook.

You won’t hear many people say this, but, I get paid far too much money for what I do. Don’t get me wrong, I would much rather get far too much money than not enough but there is only so much of being bored that one can take. When your boss walks past your desk, there is only so many times you can be pretending to stretch or read the same email.

I am in a rut and I know it. I am going to have to leave this job in a couple of months due to visa restrictions. That will force me to look for a new job. The anticipation of doing that does not feel me with the excitement of a new start. The chances are I will find the exact same job, doing the exact same thing, hopefully with more work though. Trust me, the days that I actually work are really good. the time flies and as they are so infrequent, as amazing as this sounds, I actually enjoy doing the work. There is nothing fun about invoicing out a 5000 line phone bill but because it takes all day I actually enjoy it, how sad is that?! Even reading this now makes me think ‘wow son you are weird.’

With the economic conditions as they are, I am sure there are many more people like me, sitting in jobs that do nothing for them and wish they could be doing something else. Unfortunately circumstances dictate that they have to stay where they are, there are not that many learning opportunities in a completely different industry that interests you anymore, as no one is leaving those jobs. It is a vicious cycle. I am as guilty as mentioned before as the rest of you for not doing this, but I am going to make a change. I am going to force myself to get a job that I enjoy or train for one (three should be some kind of uplifting music going on right now, if this was a film produced in America the American flag would be flying somewhere in the background). So my friends, stick the crap job up their arses and let’s get ourselves a decent one! (Rallying cry, I am now picturing myself with one arm in the air holding  sword for some reason, this is what boredom does to you). That is the thought for today, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters

The perils of rain

I was walking to the train station this morning. It was teaming it down. Yes I had an umbrella, but alas, poor old me still got soaked. It is now about 4 hours later that I am sat here writing this, and I am still the victim of soaking socks.

There is nothing nice about being wet with clothes on when it is not glorious sunshine and 40 degrees. Then it is nothing short of orgasmic. You get to cool off with your wet clothes whilst the sun dries them out for you, beautiful. The other side of that coin is not so nice. whatever part of your clothing is wet plasters itself to you. there is nothing you can do to avoid the horrors of the drenched shirt or trousers.

With the trousers. Every time you take a forward step, they seem to somehow grip onto your leg tighter. You can pull at them to try and shake them out but it is pointless. You will only succeed in giving yourself a moments rest bite before it happens all over again, and this time I swear they get colder. There is always the strange walk/waddle. This is quite effective in some cases. You do not bend your knees therefore look utterly ridiculous walking with straight legs, but what they does do is prevent the wrappage of the trousers around the leg as it stops the two coming into contact. There are a couple of problems with this though. There is the already touched upon looking like a twat issue and then there is the issue that you cannot sustain it for long. As it is such an unnatural way to walk then it really puts a strain on your legs and isn’t very comfortable. If you are able to do it for long periods of time well done you, you weirdo.

Then there is the shirt. This is a disaster. If the shirt is soaking then there really is nothing you can do. As soon as it hits your back it is cold. You do the arch of the back, fling the face up to the sky with a grimace on your teeth as the cold, wet shirt hits your back. It is so damn uncomfortable. If your shirt is that wet then you know the sleeves will be too so you are engulfed. This causes a couple of other problems that the trouser do not. Sitting down is a problem. You don’t want to hit your cold, wet back on the seat so you can avoid feeling it against your skin (you have obviously done the peel away by now, if you haven’t then you are a fool). Any slight bit of upper body contact causes the elbows to pull back and that grimace return slightly as the cold gets through you.

Finally the wet socks. A fate that I am suffering with right now. As you walk along, with your umbrella, you try to avoid the puddles. If you are lucky enough to have wellies then well done you, this doesn’t concern you. if not though then you know exactly how it is. You try and keep the water just on the sole of the shoe. As soon as that first puddle is waded through then you know it’s all over. The water finds some kind of crack to get through and within seconds your socks are soaking. These leads to freezing cold toes and wet socks for the rest of the damn day. Bring on the summer. That is the thought for the day, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters

World Champions

I was channel surfing like a champion the other day. My god there was a load of crap on. As I came to ESPN I saw that the baseball season had started. Now baseball isn’t my favourite sport to watch on the T.V but when you are pottering about doing other things it is pretty easy to flick in and out of so I kept it on. I cannot remember who were playing but the commentators mentioned ‘World Champions.’ Only the bloody yanks would class a team that won their national title as ‘World Champions.’

I honestly do not understand how this can be? How many teams from another continent play in the American leagues in any sport…..NONE. This may well be only one fact, but it is quite a clear, concise and damning fact to the people that argue for the ‘world champion’ tag. One of the sports that the winners are considered ‘World Champions’ is American Football. I mean come on!! The sport is called American Football, it suggests that the Americans have invented it for Americans and Americans play it!! yes I accept it is played worldwide, but there is not a tournament that involves all the winners of various leagues. I also accept if this did happen that the team that won the NFL would comfortably win the ‘World Cup’ (which I have now called it), but still, World Champions, I think not.

Let’s take rugby for example. They have a world cup that involves international teams. The winner of that is then known as the ‘World Champion’. There is also a Heineken Cup that involves the best teams in Europe. Whoever wins that is rightly crowned the European Champions. Then there is the Southern Hemisphere Super 15 tournament. The winners of this tournament have on a couple of occasions played the winner of the Heineken Cup but due to travel and Time Zone issues it hasn’t happened often. Neither team that wins their respective competition calls themselves ‘World Champions.’

Now let me tackle Ice Hockey. I know less than bugger all about Ice Hockey. What I do know is that the team that wins the NHL in America are miraculously called ‘World Champions.’ I am aware that there are Canadian teams that play in the NHL and that is something, I am also aware that in Sweden and Russia Ice Hockey is huge. I would hazard a guess that some of their teams would give the Americans a run for their money, but no, the American club side are the rightful ‘World Champions.’

With Baseball you have the Japanese, they are pretty shit hot at that sport I am told. Some of their best players go and make a hell of a lot of money in America but I reckon that some make serious amount of cashish staying put in the land of the Rising Sun.

Please note. Football (soccer to all you uneducated swines!!), is the biggest sport on the planet, easily. In the U.S no one gave a rats about it until a big name player goes there to receive a nice retirement fund (Henry, Beckham, Matthaus, Pele). They help fill the stadia. When two teams that have no big name players are playing the crowds just are not there. As they won’t be ‘World Champions’ there is no point in going to see them. University sport gets more people going to see a game than the MLS the world’s biggest sport. So Americans, you are not the ‘World Champions’ just because you win the American league in your sport, as no one else give a shit about those sports. That is the thought for today, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters

What a life you have lead..

You can’t have a life story in your early 20’s. Yes you have been alive for that many years but there is no way that you should be writing an autobiography at this age. I use that term autobiography very very loosely. We all know that half the shmucks that have autobiographies out by the time they are 25 cannot spell let alone construct sentences properly (some of you will aim the exact same comment at this very author).

Sports autobiographies are pretty much all the same. There are a few that are different and they tend to be the players that have done off of the path, that have done things that have got them in trouble with the media, the public and their clubs. These are the books that are worth reading. See where these people went wrong. They are looked up to by so many, adored in fact that you cannot imagine them doing anything wrong. They have the perfect, easiest lives it is good when one of them slips up, you want to know all the gory details. That is just human nature at its worst/best.

Normally the sports autobiographies go along these lines. 0-10. I went to school, was the best player in my school team then went and played for a club,. 10-15. The club said I was very good and had a gift so pushed me forward. My parents were very supportive and did everything so that I could make it. I gave up things like going out with friends and drinking to concentrate on my sport. 15-18. I was at the club starting to get noticed by people, they were talking me up and I got into the first team squad and got a game. I did well in my first game. 18+. Talk about their careers, defining matches/games/events, talk about becoming a senior player seeing younger players come through. Having a very supportive wife/husband and then retiring. There you go, I have just saved you all loads of money by not needing to go and buy any of those books.

When it comes to people that have lived a colourful life, then hell yes get a book out there. Russell Brand springs immediately to mind. What that man did to his body, my god, how he is still with us I will never know. It was a great read and a real eye opener into what drugs, booze and bad influences can do to you. Yes he brought out another book after that, but it was completely different. He spoke of being sober, what he went through to make it and how his career had taken off. There were two completely different books and very worth a read.

Now please tell me how Justin Beiber has a book? He is 13 years old at the most by the looks of him and lets be honest, who doesn’t know the twats story of how he got to where he is. I can’t wait for the next 7 books he will bring out all about his life. Dear god there is some crap being written. Another fine example of this is Jordan aka Katie Price. I believe that she currently has 3 books out, she is in her 30’s! There is no way her life has been that exciting and interesting that in the 5 or so years since her first book came out she has had to write 2 more!

People. My need for crap information is as much as yours. The furthest I go though is to read the tabloid newspapers, I will not go near a book written by any of these people. I am going to bring out my own book on my exciting life, then 3 months later another about the previous 3 fun filled months. They will be storming reads I bet. That is the thought for today, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters

Why people why? 12/04/2012

Yes my cherubs, today is another post that has something to do with food. It can be applied to many other subjects, which I shall try and allude to, but it will start off on food.

As you are aware, I am a fan of a bit of crap tv, who isn’t? The Biggest Loser (as discussed previously) is a must watch in our place and Come Dine With Me is also series linked. Firstly before I get into the main topic can I please take a minute to big up Dave Lamb – the voice over on Come Dine With Me. Get that man his own show!! ‘The Dave Lamb Show’ it would be awesome. Why he has not yet won comedy awards I will never know. I don’t know why but I just get the vision that he is a little, grey haired fella with glasses just saying the first thing that comes into his head. It makes for great tv so go for it son.

Now that my homage to the great Lamby is over let’s talk about the main subjects of Come Dine With Me and that is the contestants. Why on god’s great earth would you apply to go on a tv cookery programme if you don’t eat anything?! This week there is a highly exciting competition hotting up from Hertfordshire. The winner is a complete mystery still, there is no clear favourite, such intrigue and interest. There is one woman on it though, when reading the first menu which included lamb stew and ice cream with rose water, said to both of those dishes ‘I won’t be trying either of them.’ You never know you may even like it?! she obviously likes her Pizza and Chips and Pie n Mash. There is nothing wrong with that but why the hell go on the show if you are not going to try anything and you readily admit you are a fussy eater?

There is as much point the fussy eater people going on the show as there is me going on a modern art show. I have less than no interest in modern art and therefore should not be on it. The best part about it is that they then complain that they don’t like the food?!?! What on earth were they expecting to happen? Well at least they are not going on a talk show telling the world that they sleep with their close relatives or something.

A lot of the people that go on the show quite clearly don’t need the money. I am pretty sure they just go on to show off their houses or their lifestyles. Who can afford the most expensive bottle of wine or piece of meat, that is what it turns into. Now before you say ‘why the hell do you watch it then’ I will answer you, because I love it. It is so good to look at people try and impress and fail miserably whilst El Lambo is ripping them to shreds, give me more. That is the thought for today, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters

Meat!

I understand vegetarians. I will never become one, but I understand them. They believe that the killing of animals is wrong so therefore are not going to eat any, fair enough. Vegans on the other hand I will never understand. They don’t eat anything!! If an animal farts near something they regard it as inedible as it is sacred to the animal. They must be lacking in so many food groups but hey, let them worry about that.

As I said I am all for vegetarians and I will never understand vegans but I don’t like it when they preach about it. ‘That used to be a lamb skipping around in the field’ or ‘that was the cow we drove past yesterday.’ I couldn’t give a rats, I like eating it so there! I don’t look at their mush and say ‘mmm that used to be a nice pepper happily growing, enjoying the sunshine yesterday’ or something along those lines. If I did then that would be pepper off of their limited menu.

Another thing I don’t quite get is how some vegetarians class fish as ok, some don’t and some class chicken as ok as it’s poultry not meat and some don’t. I mean surely you are either vegetarian or you are not?! There can’t be a halfway house there where someone is like ‘it’s ok its only poultry,  it’s not meat’ or ‘it’s fish that isn’t meat.’ They are all animals are they not? You are either a hardcore vegetarian or you are not a vegetarian, and that is the bottom line because I said it was so there.

This leads me  nicely onto my next point. Tofu. It is a meat replacement. They have flavoured Tofu. Some tastes like chicken, some like beef, lamb etc. Now I pose the question, if it tastes like all these meats then why don’t you just eat meat?! I just don’t get it, it even looks like some of the meats. I was at a vegans house once (it was my tutor, it wasn’t out of choice) and she was having Tofu. It looked exactly like chicken and I said as much. She then got very offended as I was telling her that it looked like chicken yet she was vegan. Sorry to be stating the obvious love but IT LOOKS LIKE CHICKEN. How else would you want me to put it? You might as well pop to your local supermarket, pick yourself up a nice breast and have a go on that. It will smell, taste and look exactly the same as what you are eating now so who cares. You will not be smighted for it.

Basically being a vegetarian makes you less of a person than a meat eater and a vegan, well, even lower than that. Only joking, but seriously cut out the crap of some things are meat and some things are not (chicken is meat) and for god sake get rid of that Tofu shite. That is the thought for the day, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters.

Personal Space

Personal space, there is a lot to be said for having your own personal space. Everyone at some time in their lives needs their own personal space. I completely understand that people’s ideas of personal space differs greatly. I like to have a lot of space to myself when on the train for example. In some cultures the need to be close to people is very much part of it, I understand that.

Obviously you see the pictures from India where people are squashed onto a train that is made for 1000 people yet 4000 are travelling on it. That is their prerogative and what they want to do. They obviously don’t have the same regard for that type of personal space as I do.

Another thing is being a stickler for the rules. I am not saying go out and break every single rule and law that there is, but there are some rules that it isn’t much of a problem if you don’t abide by them. Not sure where I am going with all this, well, please, let me enlighten you.

It was Good Friday, myself and my girlfriend decided to go and catch the (hopefully final) American Pie film. We thought that as it was Good Friday, there would be a high chance that the evening showing would be busy, so we opted for the 4.30 showing. Needless to say, the cinema was not very busy.

The seats were very nice, there was ample space in front of you for your legs, they were wide and a very comfortable leather. EVERY SEAT WAS THE SAME! As we went into the cinema, we selected our seats, leaving 1 seat next to me before the isle and settled down to watch the film. In comes a solo woman. Nothing wrong with going to see a film on your own. What there I have a huge problem is that considering the cinema seats a good 500 people and there being about 400 free seats she decides that she HAS to sit in her seat which of course is next to mine. Up we get to move.

We move along the row. In front of us there is a row with just a couple on it and they are towards the side that we just left. We settle in again. we see some people coming in, looking at their ticket and sitting down. People!!! There isn’t a claw that will come down, grab you and throw you out of the cinema if you sit in the wrong seat!!! It’s ok though if you must just be sad and do it. with about 3 minutes before the credits start (I got the time wrong) in comes a group on a double date, 2 fellas, 2 ladies. They stop at the end of our row, they look at their ticket, they then look at the row, then they say ‘sorry could you move up 1 more please’. I mean really!!! Admittedly the cinema was now a bit busier out of the 500 seats available there were only 380 left!! Personal space! Just move to the row in front, there is no one in that row. So that is exactly what we did. I would have been embarrassed to do that, I had to check for the hidden cameras in case we were the subject of a hidden camera show but alas we weren’t. the people involved were just sad gimps that couldn’t sit in a seat other than the one allocated. Why people why? I dare you to next time try to stick it to the man and sit in another seat oooooh!! That is the thought for the day, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters

A Fashion statement?!

It’s time for me to put my fashion cap on, I know folks, you are all excited about this one and can’t wait to hear my pearls of wisdom. Well may I disappoint you no longer.

There are some fashion crazes that I accept, for example, bringing back the reebok pumps a little while ago, converse allstar’s as well, vintage looking clothing. All of these trends I can accept. Off the top of my head I can’t think of any others at the moment, I am sure you can but I would differ with you.

Now let’s talk about a craze that does not seem to be going away and its complete shit….leggings. Leggings are something that are meant to be worn under other clothing. They keep ladies’ legs warm, if a lady can’t be arsed to shave their legs for a couple of days, they stop eagle eyed passers-by noticing, they are a source of comfort. Where has this ‘fashion’ as it were come from, to just wear leggings and nothing else? Let me tell you now, from a fella’s point of view, it doesn’t look good. again some may disagree, but they are wrong! It just looks like you really couldn’t be bothered to get dressed this morning, fine no problem, we all have those lazy days where we grab the first thing out the drawer, but far too many people wear them to use that as an excuse.

It also strikes as arrogant, a ‘look at me’ statement. I accept they may very well be comfortable, but for god sake wear something over them. If a man was walking along in just his boxers or speedos then they would get very quizzical looks. Let me tell you, boxers are very comfortable, putting jeans over the top makes it less so, as these lead to horrendous situations such as chaffing and wedgies (that are very hard to get out when in jeans). People wouldn’t think it acceptable if all of a sudden men started doing this, so why is it a fashion for women to? That’s right men I am fighting for us!! (there will be many more occasions where I do so).

Some women then further exasperate the awful look by then wearing big old knickers under the leggings. In case you hadn’t realised you are wearing skin tight trousers, it doesn’t look good to start with so giving yourself a massive VPL just screams TWAT. Obviously everyone can see it, NASA get reports of astronauts complaining about the VPL in shopping centres, it is that glaringly obvious.

This leads me to a further point, the beached whale. Now I am no oil painting. At 27 I have the hairline of a 44 year old, I am not 0% body fat chiselled muscle, but I do know what makes me look half decent. Why, if you have to jump up to get your jeans on, do you think it is acceptable to go out in these rank leggings and only the rank leggings. You see it everywhere. It is the fashion so they have to do it, please for the love of everything holy don’t!!! When they bend over the fabric is stretched so far that the normally black leggings go pretty much see through, it’s just wrong on some many different levels.

Finally, ladies, if you are wearing said leggings and a guy looks at your arse, you do not have a leg to stand on. If you didn’t want to be looked at then you wouldn’t be wearing them!!!! That is the thought for today, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters

Our new Celebs

It really doesn’t take much to be classed a ‘celebrity’ nowadays and get yourself on TV. Look at the retards that like to think themselves as the shit, Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton immediately spring to mind. Paris Hilton was over here in Australia recently and was interviewed for a news programme. The interviewer asked her what she was going to do when she was no longer famous. A reasonable questions. Twats like her tend to fade into the background when they get older and no one give a shit about them anymore as there is some other knob head to put on the front page of New Look. Well she answered the question and continued the interview. That night she was attending a premiere of a film (not movie, it’s a film!!!) and the reporter was informed by Blonde Bimbo’s publicist that she was offended by that question and would not be allowed to interview her on the red carpet! I mean WTF!!! Are you kidding me. These people really annoy me. They have less than no talent, they have rich parents, they have never had to go wanting, why do they get such treatment? Every day you would see them in some other newspaper or magazine ‘shock as Kim farts’ or some other news ‘Paris buys a cucumber.’ Why these people’s lives are so interesting is beyond me. Their parents are never in the limelight, the ones with the brains to make something of themselves, please note that.

Now it seems there is a breed of even dumber proportions. Look at the people we are now engrossed in. The people from Jersey/Geordie Shore and The Only Way is Essex. There are probably hundreds more that I am missing out but fortunately I do not know or watch any of these, but please add my points below to any of those programmes. Before I get going, I am guilty of watching all 3 of these shows. Yes I watch them but I do not buy a magazine that has a 4 page spread on them every day! It annoys me.

Let’s start on Jersey Shore. I have heard a rumour they are on $100,000 an episode!!!! Add to that the fact that they now get money for appearances and such. One of the cast was given a vast sum of money by a clothing company NOT to wear their clothes anymore!! They have filmed in Miami, Italy and of course New Jersey. The houses were awesome they stayed in. They didn’t like to work, sometimes they just went off and did their own thing. Never in their lives are they going to have to find a job. They make around about 1million for a series if the figures are true. They are on their 5^th series now and there is no signs that is going to finish. Everyone would love the lifestyle where you can get up when you want, do what you want, drink all the time never with any worries about money. Some people slog their way through 3 jobs a day to make ends meet. It takes the piss. People that think it is unfair that they have to get up and do mundane work 3 times a week, instead of going to the gym, will never have to know what it is like to get up at 630 every day and do a job you hate just to earn some money.

It has also come to my attention that Einsteins from Geordie Shore are filming their next series in Cancun. No doubt they got flown there first class, are staying in an incredible suite and are also getting paid rather well for it. It must be such a hardship for them to leave for a few weeks to film. It is definitely worth the money that they are getting paid, for the inconvenience to them alone. I know I am being very hypocritical as I do watch them. The entertainment is there, but why pay them so much? Yes of course they should get paid, we are invading their privacy for our own pleasure, but they knew what was going to happen when they signed up.

There was a programme on a couple of years ago called ‘The Family.’ That was brilliant. A family agreed to be filmed on a daily basis living family life. You don’t hear of them at all. It was a great watch, really entertaining to see but it was one series with a family and then it moved on. No flying them to the Bahamas for a 10* family break at $500,000 an episode.

It all started with Big Brother. Initially that was interesting to see how people reacted. After 10 series it’s not so much. People that are just desperate to get on TV go on the show and then break down because it is too hard. They have 15 minutes of fame and then thank god you don’t hear of most of them again. Another thing I love is when the newspaper refers to them as ‘Reality TV Stars.’ Wow ‘Stars’ is definitely not the word I’d use for them. Have you seen one qualified Dr or CEO of a leading company go on these programmes? Nope for good reason, they have enough intelligence and ability about them to make their way through life on their own backs.

You may think I am jealous and you would be 100% right. Who wouldn’t be. I am not doing my dream job. I am not getting paid $100,000 for people to watch me wipe my arse (although I am very good at it). I get up at 6.30 every weekday morning, and look forward to my wages going in once a week so that I can enjoy a night out with my girlfriend or a nice meal and pay the bills. If you are not jealous of that then you are a liar. That is the thought for today, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters

Happy Birthday

I have just enjoyed my 27^th birthday. It was the best birthday I have had in years. For the first time since my 21^st, I was actually excited in the build up to it, and rightly so as it was superb. I could go on and tell you in detail why my birthday was so good but I won’t. just know that is was superb. I mean 27 is a nothing birthday but this one was excellent.

When you are a kid, the build-up to your birthday is awesome. with about a month to go you start to get excited. People have asked you what you want for your birthday, you have given your parents the list to ask others for and you know that unless it is ridiculously expensive, you will be getting most of that list. Your parents arrange your party, you hand out all your invited to your mates. Hopefully there will be a bouncy castle and a magician. Wow this is going to be the best day ever. All those times your mum or dad have said ‘when you are older’ (everyone knows those words) are going to be redundant as you will be older. You will be able to stay up later, watch older programmes AND get loads of presents. No wonder it’s such an exciting time.

This excitement tends to stop around 13. All of a sudden it’s not such a big thing birthdays. You start to mature a bit, hair grows in weird places and it’s not that cool to have people round your house for cake and a dance contest, whilst some guy dressed funny makes a dog out of balloons. Those teenage years are so annoying. Then the excitement builds again when you are approaching your 18^th. This is the first big one. You can legally drink in most places, (except those over protective dicks in the States, but they have a serious drug problem so hey ho). You can go to a pub with confidence hoping that the roided up monster on the door that always gives you jip because they can will I.D you. You can proudly produce your driving license or whatever you have confirming that you are in fact 18 and can enjoy your Bacardi breezer in the comfort of the pub rather than the park bench.

After that though there is another lull in excitement until 21. 19 and 20 are nothing birthdays. Everyone looks to you to organise something. It’s not too bad for these 2 birthdays though. You can just go to a club and everyone is happy with that, as the clubbing scene is still quite new and the novelty has not yet worn off. 21 though is a different kettle of fish. This is the big one. After this there are no more limits by age to what you can do. The chances are your parents will make a big thing about it, you may not have to arrange a night that you know is probably going to be like every other Saturday night out you have and you are in with a good chance of making some good money.

After 21 thought, that is it. No one gets excited about birthdays any more. You don’t want to get any older. I have not yet met someone that thinks ‘Yes I turn 50 in 3 weeks, cannot wait!!’ in your early 20’s you are back to trying to organise a night out with friends. As you get a bit older, and you have families and partners it turns into a dinner out with the odd surprise party thrown in here and there. Lets’ put a stop to this. It was awesome being excited for my birthday again. It was a great feeling made better by the people I shared it with. I dare you to give it a try, you never know you may like it again. That is the thought for today, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters