Anything good on tv?

Everyone likes a nice day off. You wake up in the morning, you are knackered, your bed is toasty warm you think ‘bollocks to it, I am not going into work today.’ You pick up your phone, dial the number, put on a croaky voice (or if you can’t be bothered tell them you got the shits) and boom, a nice day off.

After you have had your lie in and leisurely breakfast, you position yourself on your favourite seat in the living room, in front of the tv and settle in. Then and only then does the horror of what you are about to face hit you. DAYTIME TV!! My god it’s horrendous. Yes there will be a couple of shows that you love to watch, my guilty pleasures being ‘Homes under the Hammer’ and a chat show, where people (quite clearly actors) go on and pretend that they need to air their dirty laundry and fears to someone that apparently is qualified to talk to them to sort out their problems. Why do the tv companies think that we don’t know what is going on? ‘My boyfriend made my sister pregnant whilst I was asleep on the sofa’ and other superb titles, where people that let’s be honest, look like they have had a tough life, come on in tracksuit bottoms a polo shirt with the top up and a hat for the fellas and some ridiculously revealing ensemble for the usually overweight ladies, talk about the strain whatever is putting on their relationship. This is good tv, a great watch I put my hands up. Such entertainment for an hour, the host takes it so seriously. Gives a bit of crap advice, looks at the audience for a reaction (it is obvious when the ‘applause’ sign lights up) and then looks proud as punch.

Once this is over though then there is the hells of the early afternoon. Nothing and I mean nothing worth watching is on. Most of the people you know are at work and those that aren’t may actually be sick or on holiday. What on earth do you do? I am pretty sure that they make daytime TV so that people go to work. There is no other option. You either go to work and do your eight hours, or you have to suffer through endless repeats of 70’s shoes that no one watched in the first place.

It has got better with the introduction of satellite tv. Then you have 200 channels of stuff that you have no interest of watching, rather than just the standard 4 or 5. With the 200 channels of crap though, you may stumble across something that may in fact interest you, there is a lot more hope. I’m pretty sure that the tv networks must think ‘everyone is at work and the people at home are either trying to sponge or faking a sickie, let’s get ‘em back in the office.’ This is the only reason I can think of for some of their programming. A deal must have gone down a few years ago between the big wigs in tv and the top companies bosses to put shite on tv during the day so that people won’t want to pull a sickie, well let’s stick it to them and get a massive DVD collection.

Those poor new mothers. They have just gone through the ordeal of labour, they have to dote on their children, accommodating their every need. They get a couple of hours to themselves when it is afternoon nap time, on goes the box and on it is a 95^th airing of Midsummer Murders. If I was an actor (I must have slipped through the net), I would love to be on a daytime soap. Why I hear you ask. They are all shit. Yes, agreed but endless royalties. Those royalties will keep coming to your families long after you have croaked it. I hereby put my name forward for every new daytime soap anywhere in the world, if anyone reading knows a producer or director, send them my way. That is the thought for today, tune in tomorrow for something else. Laters